you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
