So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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