Porn is love you can see.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish you could order shots online.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
