He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
