he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
