i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
