My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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