I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Holy shit dude........stairs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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