remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
