Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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