tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
