Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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