we have officially lost it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize