I need help removing her.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize