So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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