So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
