You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
