Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..