you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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