So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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