For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
