Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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