Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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