The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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