she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
