I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
