The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
not ubering you a puppy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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