god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
