I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the day after is always just damage control
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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