Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
