you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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