Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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