Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
