Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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