i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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