I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
