It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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