She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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