my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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