the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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