we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
