Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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