We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
