so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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