I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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