I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
