he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
