not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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