But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
