do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
