I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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