Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
