If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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