my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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