I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
