Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
