can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What happened to fro yo and sex?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
