We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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