I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
