I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
