dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
