I got chris browned last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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