I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
