You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
