no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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